On Endangered Species

In 'The Theory of Everything Else: A Voyage into the World of the Weird' by Dan Schreiber, he has a section where he talks about endangered species. We all know about the beautiful animals that are endangered - the tigers and elephants and so on - but no one really talks about the ugly, irritating or gross animals that are also on the brink of extinction. 

In the book, Schreiber spoke directly to a natural history museum in the Netherlands that was trying to save one such beast from oblivion, and that part of the book inspired me to write this incredibly silly poem (perhaps with a serious message at its heart). 

I hope you like it!


Endangered Species  

When we campaign to save our fleeting beasts, 
we focus on the creatures who are nice.
The ugly and the gross are thought of least — 
does no one care about the pubic lice?! 

You might be filled with pure contempt, and scoff 
at having a rapport with parasites, 
but you’ve been quite annoying (on and off);
you’re not so different from the pubic lice. 

Their numbers are declining, year on year,
(though figures are a little imprecise).
It won’t be long before they disappear! 
Won’t someone spare a thought for pubic lice?

Their population’s down by millions!
Deforestation has their legions sliced.
Too many unguents and Brazilians: 
We must restore the homes of pubic lice! 

And there’s a way that you can help preserve
these animals, and build them paradise: 
You could become a walking louse reserve!
So, do your duty — save the pubic lice!



Image via Unsplash.com


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